The Good Life: Insights from Harvard’s 75-Year Study

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Let’s start with something simple but profound—a question. What is it, do you think, that most determines whether someone lives a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life? Maybe you’re thinking success, financial security, or a powerful career. But what if I told you that decades of research suggest none of these is the key? Instead, it’s our relationships. They have a greater impact on our well-being and longevity than almost anything else.

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This idea stems from the Harvard Study of Adult Development. Eighty-four years of remarkable insights into human life, showing us that good relationships don’t just make life happier—they actually make it healthier. People with deep connections tend to live longer lives, free of chronic loneliness or emotional strain. It’s like a hidden superpower we underestimate.

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Take Henry Keane, one of the study’s participants. As a man who lived through the Great Depression, Henry’s early life was marked by financial hardship and family struggles. Yet, what transformed his later years into some of his happiest wasn’t wealth or prestige—it was his relationship with Rosa, his wife. Together, they navigated life’s ups and downs, leaning on their bond as a foundation.

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But relationships don’t just alleviate loneliness or give us happy memories. They’re a buffer, a support system in the face of life’s uncertainties. I think, at some level, we’ve all felt that. Maybe think back to a time when talking to a friend or loved one eased your stress after a difficult day. What’s extraordinary is this isn’t just emotional; it improves our physical health too—slows heart rate, lowers stress hormones, the full package.

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Now, I want to introduce something the study discusses—a tool called the W.I.S.E.R model. This framework—Watch, Interpret, Select, Engage, Reflect—can help us enhance our emotional connections. And honestly, it’s such a great reminder that building great relationships isn’t just about having time; it’s about being intentional. Let’s focus on “Engage” today. What does that mean? It’s not just nodding while someone talks—it’s showing curiosity. Asking sincere questions like, “How are you really doing?” It shows the other person that they truly matter.

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For anyone navigating anxiety, being engaged in relationships can also be grounding. A quick example—sharing thoughts or simply being present with someone you trust can ease those spiraling worries that often feel bigger than they are. Connection acts as an emotional guide, gently pulling us back to balance. And then there’s “Reflect” in the W.I.S.E.R model, which encourages us to think about our interactions later—did we really listen, or did we rush past something meaningful?

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But modern life has made building bonds trickier, hasn’t it? Social media, endless notifications—they distract us from deeper connections. We’ve all experienced this—scrolling mindlessly instead of calling a friend. So what can we do? Well, one solution is to foster curiosity as a habit. Let’s aim to ask more questions, make eye contact, and genuinely engage, even in simple conversations. Small steps, but they go a long way.

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I’ll share a quick story from my own life. When I moved cities, there was a period where I felt so isolated. Like I said earlier, it wasn’t material stresses, but emotional ones that drained me the most. It wasn’t until I started nurturing even small everyday connections—asking colleagues how they spend weekends or catching up with old friends—that I began feeling grounded again. It’s these simple, intentional acts that remind us we’re part of something larger, like a web of connection that holds us.

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So, relationships—complex, rewarding, and undeniably important. They’re both our mirror and our anchor, shaping how our lives unfold. And as the study reveals, at every stage of life, they carry more weight than most of us realize. Yet often, society lures us with another myth...

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What comes to mind when you think of success? Maybe an impressive career, a house that catches everyone’s eye, or the admiration of thousands? It’s what we’re told to value, isn’t it? But here’s the thing: the Harvard Study found that these markers of success don’t lead to happiness. Not even close. In fact, people who chase wealth or fame often end up feeling just as lost—or even emptier—than before.

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Let me share a story from the study. John was a high-powered attorney. Every promotion, every new case he won, came with a big paycheck and, for a moment, a sense of pride. But underneath it all, John confessed to feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction. He buried his energy in his work, thinking, more success—more happiness. Still, none of it filled the gaps he was feeling. Contrast that with someone like Leo—a participant who, instead of reaching for external milestones, focused on meaningful relationships and doing work he loved as a teacher. The result? Leo consistently reported a deeper sense of fulfillment. It wasn’t about titles or money for him—it was about connection and purpose.

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And science backs this up. The study’s findings are crystal clear: the more we tie our sense of worth to external things—like bigger paychecks or more likes on a post—the more likely we are to feel disconnected from what truly sustains us. Sure, achieving goals feels great in the moment, but as you may have noticed in your own life, the excitement doesn’t last, does it?

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That’s why the study points us in a different direction. It encourages us to prioritize what you might think of as the opposite of success as society defines it. Things like nurturing bonds with family, making time for friends, and following passions that may not be glamorous. These investments, though less shiny, bring lasting returns—for both your happiness and, interestingly, your health too.

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I think, in some ways, we already know this. Like, you probably have moments where you’re standing with friends or family, laughing over the silliest things, that you suddenly feel alive—genuinely whole. That’s the kind of wealth we should all be leaning toward. Something the study says makes the biggest difference isn’t what’s in our bank accounts but who’s sitting at the dinner table with us. When life gets difficult, who do you turn to for support? Those are the metrics that matter. And they’re the ones often overlooked when we’re racing toward so-called 'success.'

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Of course, it’s not about giving up ambition, but about understanding the real foundations of happiness. The Harvard Study encourages us to stop and ask ourselves: are we climbing the wrong ladders? Chasing what we think we want, instead of what we truly need? To me, this feels like permission—permission to redefine success on our own terms.

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Think of it as a simple shift in focus—a pivot toward goals that are deeply meaningful, rather than performative. Maybe it’s spending more quality time with loved ones. Maybe it’s choosing a career path that makes your community better instead of your LinkedIn profile shinier. Whatever it is, this shift can be life-changing.

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And this is something I wrestle with, too. I grew up juggling influences from different cultures, each with its own pressures for success. But I’ve learned that the moments when I let go of the need to impress—and just stayed present with the people I love—those are the memories that shaped me. They taught me that happiness doesn’t come from standing out, but from reaching out—to the people and values that matter most.

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So, how do we move from chasing fleeting rewards to building something deeper? That’s where the study’s insights become practical. They guide us to reflect on what truly brings fulfillment and to invest in those areas. And as we do, another thread begins to appear...

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When we look back on our lives, what will stand out the most? For some, it’s their relationships. For others, milestones like a great career or raising a family. But what really stitches all of these together is the thread of purpose. Purpose is what gives our everyday actions weight and color—it’s why we get up in the morning, why we keep trying when things are hard. And for many people, it becomes the foundation of a truly good life.

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The Harvard Study found that while relationships are indispensable, purpose plays a unique role. It’s a kind of compass, guiding us toward fulfillment. Participants who had a clear sense of purpose—whether that meant teaching, caregiving, or creating something meaningful—often described their lives as richer. Purpose helps us navigate the storms of life, giving us a reason to keep moving forward even when things feel uncertain, even when it feels like the odds are stacked against us.

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One participant in the study had spent decades as a teacher. He often said that what kept him going wasn’t the paycheck or the prestige—honestly, he didn’t have much of either—it was the small but powerful moments. Like seeing his students finally understand something they’d struggled with for weeks. He found purpose in those connections, in passing along what he knew to the next generation. It didn’t just energize him; it grounded him. He felt part of something larger, and that gave each day meaning.

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The good news is, purpose doesn’t have to be grandiose. It’s not about saving the world or changing history. Sometimes, it’s found in the quiet, ordinary ways we show up for others. You might feel purpose in raising your children, volunteering at a shelter, or even just being a reliable friend. The key is to align your actions with what really matters to you. What lights you up? What makes you lose track of time?

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The study also tells us something vital: purpose isn’t static. It grows and evolves as we do. A person might find purpose in building a career during their 20s and 30s, but later, it might shift toward mentoring others or focusing on family. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s beautiful. Purpose adapts—it bends and flexes to meet us where we are in life’s journey.

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So how do we find it? One way is by exploring your passions—those activities where time seems to disappear. Or by noticing what brings you joy in the present moment. Another path is contributing to others, whether through work, creativity, or just listening deeply when someone needs it. These might seem like small acts, but they’re not. They ripple outward, touching more lives than we’ll ever truly know.

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And here’s a simple exercise you can try. Tonight, grab a notebook and jot down three things you did during the day that felt meaningful. Were you kind to someone? Did you take a small step toward a goal? These moments don’t have to be big to matter. Over time, patterns will emerge, showing you what gives your days purpose. Once you see that, you can nurture it, grow it. You might be surprised where it leads.

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As I reflect on this, I’m reminded of how the study’s participants often described their “good life” moments. They weren’t about perfection. They were about connection, growth, and contributions that felt true to who they were. Purpose, they realized, wasn’t something they had to chase; it was something they created—piece by piece, day by day.

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So I’ll leave you with this. The good life isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about embracing the process, flawed and unpredictable as it may be. It’s about finding meaning in the chaos and building a life that reflects who you really are. And while it might not always be easy, it will always, always be worth it.

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And that’s all for today. Thank you for spending this time with me. Until next time, take care of yourself, and remember—it’s okay to pause, to breathe, and to just be. See you soon.